Tag Archive: about the author


Written by Benedick N. Damaso (three years ago)

Hurt Heart

……….I hate it when January 31st comes. I hate even more when I make the ritual of tearing the calendar to welcome the month of February. But what I hate the most is when February 14 comes – Valentines Day.

……….Whoever branded the month of February as love month and February 14 as Valentines Day must had been in euphoria, drowning in love at that time. Good for him, but he had not considered those who are loveless, who are the most affected emotionally during these days.

……….I may sound antagonistic, but what they did made the lives of many loveless individual like me more miserable, their exaggeration of love just add insult to our injuries.

……….While almost everybody is busy thinking, preparing and anticipating their dates with their love ones, I am here, left alone, rewinding those memories when I was madly deeply in love. Thanks to my ever supportive, selective and subjective memory, but no thanks to my objective ever righteous mind who interrupts my daydreaming and always reminding me that those had passed and no matter what I do, it can never be brought back. I’m tired of pretending to be happy and acting as if everything’s okay.

……….Of course, I can always reason out that Valentines are not only for lovers (man and woman), I have God, I have my family, my friends and the many significant others around me. But I knew, this is just a self consoling activity. I would be fooling myself because what I ever wanted and hope for is to have a special someone to spend this day with.

……….How pathetic I am. I have been so naïve this past chapters of my life. Seems happiness divorced me.

……….I really don’t know. But there are times when I’m in solitudes that I hope that one of my former girlfriends would show up or call me and tell that everything’s all right, that she had realize that she’s incomplete without me and tell me that we can start it all over again, and we will spend the whole month of February together and our love story will end up like a fairy tale…and we will live happily ever after…

……….How pathetic I am. I knew I haven’t been the perfect man or boyfriend. I have my flaws and they have theirs. I did my best but then my best wasn’t really good enough. And I am really lunatic for even thinking that I can still bring back the old days when in fact, the truth is they now have their own life without me.

……….One of them already got married, one is planning to get marry and the other one claimed that she found her one true love. Oh, every one of them is claiming that they’ve found Mr. Right. But what if I am destined to be Mr. Right? Who knows, I am the Mr. Right of one of them? (Here I go again. Stop me!)

……….Well, it’s February and its Valentines day. But what can I do? Everybody now seems to have turned antagonistic on me this month. The televisions, radios, broadsheet, tabloids –  they’re all so busy integrating valentines in their programs. Even the politicians, the nerve of posting their faces with their Valentines Day greetings. All of them, how can they do this to me! Ouch! They remind me that I am loveless, that of the millions and billions of people roaming the earth, no one dared to fight for me. Ouch! I hate this month, I hate Valentines Day.

……….Well of course, I love to love Valentines Day. But not today, not in this chapter of my life because I just really can’t. Maybe tomorrow, next month, next year when I have finally moved on.  But not this time because I just really hate Valentines Day.

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“DAMASO”

Ito ang nakasulat sa plakard na hawak ni Carlos Celdran, isang tour guide AKA Reproductive Health Bill Advocate AKA Jose Rizal impersonator nang pumasok siya sa Manila Cathedral habang kalagitnaan ang misa at bulabugin ang mga kaparian at parokyano.

“Stop getting involved in politics,” sigaw niya.

Pero habang pinagpipiyestahan sa telebisyon, radyo, pahayagan, internet sites si Celdran, heto naman ako’t pinagpipiyestahan din ng mga kaibigan at kakilala ko.

Sa dinami-rami ba naman kasi ng mga pwedeng isulat sa plakard tulad ng 8&^$#(**#@,” “*&^!@#%^,” “^%$&(&%*,” at “&%^$@!$^&,” ang aking apelyido pa ang kanyang napili. Opo, “DAMASO” nga ang aking apelyido. Ito ang ipinamanang apelyido ng aking tatay na minana pa niya sa kanyang tatay na minana ng kanyang tatay sa kanyang tatay na minana …

Pero sino nga ba si (Padre) Damaso? Siya lang naman po ay isang paring tauhan sa sinulat na nobela ni pareng Jose Rizal. Isang paring sumasalungat sa magandang aral na dapat sana’y turo ng simbahan. Malupit, mabagsik, isang moralistang imoral ikanga. At siyempre pa, siya ang ama ni Maria Clara.

Nung makagradweyt ako ng hayskul, akala ko nakaligtas na ako sa pagtatanong/pagtataka/pagtatawa ng mga nakakasalamuha tungkol sa realisasyon sa apelyido ko, ngayon naman muling ibinabalik ni G. Celdran ang nakalipas.

Buti na lang at mas kilala ako ng mga estudyante ko sa aking unang pangalan. Unang araw pa lang kasi ng klase ay ipinakikikilala ko na sa kanila at mahigpit na bilin na mas gusto kong tawagin ako sa aking unang pangalan. Kaya naman sa katagalan ito na ang kanilang nakagawian. ‘Benedick’ ito ang aking pangalan. (Astig di ba? Ehem… Walang kokontra)

Pero ang problema ko naman, madalas napagkakamalang ‘t’ ang huling letra sa first name ko, ginagawa nila itong ‘Benedict,’ na sa kalaunan ay dadagdagan pa ng ‘o’ kaya naman nagiging ‘Benedicto.’ Nagtutunog tuloy makaluma. Parang kapanahunan ko tuloy sina pareng Bonifacio, Procopio, Anastacio et.al. Kaya naman palagi kong ine-emphasize na ‘k’ ang huling letra sa aking pangalan.

Looking back, marahil naisip ng aking mga magulang dati ang ganitong senaryo kaya ang ginawa nilang last letter sa first name ko ay ‘k’ (bravo!) Bagama’t may isa pa akong teorya, marahil nagkamali sa pagta-type ang clerk ng civil registrar sa amin. (typewriter pa kasi ata gamit nun, hanggang ngayon ata…)

Sa susunod na taon, papalitan ko na uli at iibahin ko na ang pangalang pauusuhin ko. Siguro ‘Ben’ na lang o kaya ay ‘Benz’ o ‘Bench’ o ‘Bene’ bahala na kung anong maisip ko, huwag lang ‘Dick’

Pagkatapos ng ilang taon, parang mas gugustuhin ko ng ‘t’ ang huling letra ng first name ko, paano ba naman kasi ay naging mas malikhain na ngayon ang ating mga lenggwahe (may buhay raw kasi ang wika, umuunlad, sumusunod sa panahon ayon sa guro ko ‘nong nasa kolehiyo ako).

Ayokong dumating ang panahong tawagin ako sa palayaw na ‘Dick’ lalo na ng mga estudyante ko. Imagine…

“Good Morning Sir Dick”

“Good Afternoon Sir Dick!”

“Good Evening Sir Dick!”

Masagwa, malaswa. Kung bakit? Alamin mo. Hindi ka naman siguro ipinanganak kahapon.

Sabi nga nila “Prevention is better than cure” (ngayon, ano ang koneksiyon? Bahala ka na uli kung paano ito maikokonek)

NEWEST BLOGGER BLABBER

A new BLOGGER BLABBER is here. Out of the blue, he decided to hit the net and crazily started this blog. Just as you read this, he is on the verge of insanity where illusions and reality mixed up resulting to an imaginable delusion.

By the way, he doesn’t know how can he be able to continue this lunacy but then, he feels great that he finally found a way to express his views, opinions, dreams, visions, whatever you call it……..

Born free, as free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart

Live free, and beauty surrounds you
The world still astounds you
Each time you look at a star

*Stay free, where no walls divide you
You’re free as a roaring tide
So there’s no need to hide

Born free, and life is worth living
But only worth living
Cause you’re born free

Madalas ko itong marinig na kinakanta ng aking tatay kapag nakikipag-inuman siya at may videoke. Madalas din inuulit kantahin ng mga kainuman niya (minsan mga kamag-anak, katrabaho, katrabaho o kahit sinong mayaya). Naging theme song na nga ata nila ito. (maliban siyempre sa walang kamatayang “My Way” na sabi nila’y nakamamatay)

FAST FORWARD: Kapag napapainom naman ako ngayon kasama ang mga kabarkada o kakilala at nagkataong may videoke, hinahanap ko ang ‘BORN FREE’ sa song book at malayang kinakanta ito.

Bakit nga ba?

Siguro lumalaya kasi ako kapag nakakainom at nawawala ang hiyang bumirit. Siguro epekto ito ng madalas kong marinig na pagkanta nina tatay at kainuman niya noong bata pa. Siguro trip ko lang ito. Siguro ito lang ang isa sa mga kabisado kong kantahin….

Pero ang sigurado ko, gusto kong maging malaya. Sa lahat. Malayang gawin ang lahat, malayang isipin ang lahat, malayang sabihin ang lahat, malayang maisulat ang lahat.

Gaya ng isinasaad ng kanta, gusto kong maging malaya tulad ng hanging malayang nakapaglalakbay sa walang hanggang hangganan, tulad ng  damong malayang namumuhay sa kahit saang maibigan….gusto kong malayang sundin ang anumang  naisin….kaya marahil ginawa ko ang blog na ito…dahil GUSTO KONG LUMAYA…dahil naniniwala akong ANG PAGSULAT AY PAGLAYA….