Written by Benedick N. Damaso (three years ago)

Hurt Heart

……….I hate it when January 31st comes. I hate even more when I make the ritual of tearing the calendar to welcome the month of February. But what I hate the most is when February 14 comes – Valentines Day.

……….Whoever branded the month of February as love month and February 14 as Valentines Day must had been in euphoria, drowning in love at that time. Good for him, but he had not considered those who are loveless, who are the most affected emotionally during these days.

……….I may sound antagonistic, but what they did made the lives of many loveless individual like me more miserable, their exaggeration of love just add insult to our injuries.

……….While almost everybody is busy thinking, preparing and anticipating their dates with their love ones, I am here, left alone, rewinding those memories when I was madly deeply in love. Thanks to my ever supportive, selective and subjective memory, but no thanks to my objective ever righteous mind who interrupts my daydreaming and always reminding me that those had passed and no matter what I do, it can never be brought back. I’m tired of pretending to be happy and acting as if everything’s okay.

……….Of course, I can always reason out that Valentines are not only for lovers (man and woman), I have God, I have my family, my friends and the many significant others around me. But I knew, this is just a self consoling activity. I would be fooling myself because what I ever wanted and hope for is to have a special someone to spend this day with.

……….How pathetic I am. I have been so naïve this past chapters of my life. Seems happiness divorced me.

……….I really don’t know. But there are times when I’m in solitudes that I hope that one of my former girlfriends would show up or call me and tell that everything’s all right, that she had realize that she’s incomplete without me and tell me that we can start it all over again, and we will spend the whole month of February together and our love story will end up like a fairy tale…and we will live happily ever after…

……….How pathetic I am. I knew I haven’t been the perfect man or boyfriend. I have my flaws and they have theirs. I did my best but then my best wasn’t really good enough. And I am really lunatic for even thinking that I can still bring back the old days when in fact, the truth is they now have their own life without me.

……….One of them already got married, one is planning to get marry and the other one claimed that she found her one true love. Oh, every one of them is claiming that they’ve found Mr. Right. But what if I am destined to be Mr. Right? Who knows, I am the Mr. Right of one of them? (Here I go again. Stop me!)

……….Well, it’s February and its Valentines day. But what can I do? Everybody now seems to have turned antagonistic on me this month. The televisions, radios, broadsheet, tabloids –  they’re all so busy integrating valentines in their programs. Even the politicians, the nerve of posting their faces with their Valentines Day greetings. All of them, how can they do this to me! Ouch! They remind me that I am loveless, that of the millions and billions of people roaming the earth, no one dared to fight for me. Ouch! I hate this month, I hate Valentines Day.

……….Well of course, I love to love Valentines Day. But not today, not in this chapter of my life because I just really can’t. Maybe tomorrow, next month, next year when I have finally moved on.  But not this time because I just really hate Valentines Day.